Fitness Training Session 4: Functional exercises

January 10, 2011 · Posted in Commentary 

FitnessIt was a cold, snowy morning and the roads were slightly hazardous.  I arrived at Lifetime Fitness with just moments to spare for my 6am training session with Little Miss Sunshine, although not too late that I could not perform a few stretching exercises.

My esteemed trainer informed me that we would be performing “functional exercises” today, which are designed to help you with real life activities.  I informed Little Miss Sunshine that I had not slept well.  I tested the limits of battery life with my bluetooth headset and smartphone last night with a redheaded temptress.  At one point during my four hours of social intercourse with this fair vixen, I found myself signing up for the Warrior Dash.  Upon hearing of my aspirations, Little Miss Sunshine let me know that she was familiar with the race and could help me prepare for it.

The functional exercises included lunges, pop up push ups using an uneven hand stance, a ninja crawl, etc.  I performed the lunges while moving across the room.  It was brutal.  Once again, my hamstrings were the weakest link.  Twice during our session, I caught Little Miss Sunshine breaking form while demonstrating an exercise.  I felt bound by duty to let her know.  In the second instance, I was told to put my feet together, hold a weighted bar over my head with my arms extended to turn my body into a ‘Y’ shape, then turn my torso.  I noticed that my trainer had her feet apart.  I queried, “Why do you get to spread your legs?”  While technically I was correct, I meant “feet”.  That’s what happens after two hours of sleep.  The session went very well despite my lack of sleep, but I can tell that my legs are going to be sore tomorrow.

I stated in the first post of this series that one of my goals is to lose a few pounds, lowering my body fat composition.  I have been watching my nutritional intake during this time as not to sabotage the achievement of my stated goals.

Note to the redheaded temptress:  There is no guarantee nor expectation that I will be able to crack walnuts with my butt cheeks at the end of my twelth session.

Note to everyone else:  Please forgive any typos or misspellings. I’m really tired.

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